Randy loved Candies !!

There once lived a little 5 year old kid, Randy, and he loved candies. He loved them in all shapes, sizes and colours. He was fixated on its texture and its perceived taste. Yes, perceived as he had actually never had a candy till date. But yes, Randy loved candies.

Why? Randy had heard all sorts of deadly stories about candies. Tooth decay, bowel misbehavior; people who eat candies are bad people; eat too much candies and boogeyman will come and get you, etc. The list could go on. His dad, his elder sister, his aunt, uncle, just about everyone warned him not to eat candies. But most importantly, his mom had cautioned him against it. Randy loved his mom the most and would listen to anything she said. But then, he loved candies too.

One fine day, Randy’s mom announced “I am heading to the supermarket, anyone wants anything?” Randy wanted candies. But he couldn’t explicitly say it out loud. So, he hatched a devious little plan, walked up to his mom and said “Mom, Can I come with you to the supermarket”. “Of course, my darling”, said his mom. Randy’s eyes alighted. He could imagine himself sitting on a little red table, with a bowl full of candies, carefully unwrapping each one of them, placing them ever so smoothly onto his tongue and savouring the succulent, delectable, assortment of tastes the candies had in them. Randy was almost in a psychedelic trance. His eyes were closed, he had a subconscious smile on his face, and his mouth was watering. “Randy? Let’s go”, called out his mom. Randy exited from the trance, but the smile was firmly plastered on his face. Today was going to be a good day. After all, Randy loved candies.

Enroute the Supermarket, Randy was sitting in the backseat of the car and going through the nitty-gritties of his master plan in his head. He was convinced it was foolproof, and even his mom wouldn’t be able to see through it. He thought to himself, “Why hasn’t this idea passed through my brain before?”. But then probably, the wait was worth it. He was picturing Candy headed minions welcoming him with open arms. Boy, weren't they inviting. This was it. Randy's love for candies was going to be realized, pretty soon. His little heart was pumping with joy, anxiety and restlessness. After all, Randy loved candies.

After what seemed like an eternity but was just about 15 minutes, Randy's mom parked the car and made her way to the supermarket along with her little boy. Randy made his final mental preparations, ran through all his rehearsed dialogues and the facial expressions he had to adapt. He wanted to be sure he wouldn't make of mess of it. As mom was fiddling around in the grocery section, Randy got ready to put his plan to action. He summoned his best puppy dog face, tilted his neck ever so slightly, and held his mom's hand, “ Mom, Can I go check out the toys section?”. “Pleeaaaaseeeee?”, he added in the most adorable of voices. “No Sweetie, you shouldn't be going there alone. Stick around with me”, said his mom. Wait, what? This was not what he had imagined. He couldn't believe his plan got screwed up this easily. He closed his eyes in despair. But then, he saw the candy minion beaming at him and urging him to give another shot. Afterall, Randy loved candies.

Randy opened his eyes and “Please mom, I promise I won't do anything naughty. I will be a good boy and just play in the toys section. Pleaaasee?” The puppy dog eyes were in full force now. “Awwww. Okay sweetheart. But don't wander around. You remember Boogeyman right? I will be with you in 15 minutes sweetie”, said his mom. Randy brought forward his most charming face and went “Thanks Mom”. The first part of the plan was successful. Now was the time for deceit. Who wanted to go to the toys section, when it was the confectionery section that was beckoning him. His masterful plan had worked. He had conned and misled his mom with his incredibly slick acting finesse. His love was going to be realized. He double checked if his mom was still in detectable distance, and slyly made his way to the confectionery, No, Candy section. Oh yes, Did I say that Randy loved candies?

As he set out on his expedition, he was being guided by the Candy Minion. It was almost like he just knew where exactly the section was. And there it was. He could see it now. About 3 shelves in front, his precious was lying there in all its glory. It was glistening, it was inviting, it was enticing, It was seductive. It was beckoning him .A few paces away from him was lying the one thing that Randy would have made a horcrux of, if he were “You Know Who”. It was tantalizing, alluring. It was his crown jewel. It was one big packet of candies. Candies. CANDIES. One Big red packet of Candies. He began the slow walk towards it. He didn't want to rush it. He wanted to savour every bit of this monumental experience. He wanted to live the moment, while it was. Yes, you got it. Randy loved candies.

It was now just a couple of strides away. His lips went from a smile, to a grin, and then to a beam. This was it. In a few seconds from now, a candy would find its way onto Randy’s tongue, where it shall unwind and blend with his saliva and spread the succinct , delectable, exquisite tastes n colours all around his mouth, sending shivers down his spine, giving orgasmic pleasures to his brain cells and tingling each and every nerve in his body. Boi, Randy was enjoying every bit of it. Amidst the glut of thoughts, he had reached the shelf wherein lay the love of his 5 year life. “Randy loves candies”, he thought to himself.

Randy was on his toes, he stretched his tiny arms trying to reach THAT packet. Time seemed to have frozen around him, everything was moving in slow motion. He stretched, stretched and then stretched some more. His little hands had almost reached the packet of candies. He could touch the tip of the packet now. “Just a little more, Randy. just a little more”, the candy minion urged him. With all his might and ability, he pushed himself further than he ever had. The candies that Randy so dearly loved were going to be his, soon.

But then, “Mummy, Look. Candies. These will be perfect for my Birthday party”, a bigger, outstretched arm overtook Randy’s arm to the finish line, and grabbed that packet of candies. The tip of the packet escaped from Randy’s grasp, and the bigger arm had it in its grasp, as Randy looked on with utter dismay, and trepidation. He followed the projectile path that the packet followed all the way to the trolley, where it landed with a rather softening thud, as it was released off the grip of the bigger arm. Life had unfrozen, everything was back to normal. From a wide beam, Randy’s face now looked gloomy, morose and heartbroken. That was the only candy packet in that section, and to make things worse “Randy, What are you doing here”, bellowed his mom, as she caught him in his failed endeavor. His wily, masterful plan had failed. He was near, just a couple of fingertips away, but his destiny was stolen from him. The bigger arm guy had stolen it from him. “Nothing mom, I lost my way”, said Randy, as he ran and hugged his mom. Why was life so unfair to him, why couldn’t he ever get his peace of mind, why was the world conspiring against him? Candies were like Road Runner to Randy’s Wile.E.Coyote. No matter how hard he tried, he never was able to get a hold of them.

Randy still hadn’t tasted a candy. But then, Randy loved candies.       

Resources & Body Shopping? STOP using these terms!!

I have been a part of the almighty Indian IT industry for nearly 2 years now. I used to wonder why this huge bunch of dreamy eyed engineering college students chase the big fat IT company dream. It was akin to Bollywood’s classic “poor boy chases rich girl” scenario. It all sounded stupid. Now, I no longer wonder. I just know that it’s stupid. Seeking help from a classic cliché, it’s akin to digging your own grave.

This won’t be a rant on the shortcomings or idiosyncrasies of the IT Industry; that would require me to write a book. I would like to bring up one particularly pointless and convoluted part of corporate life, Office Jargon. There are 2 such jargons, which are mostly specific to the IT industry, i.e. “Resource” and “Body-Shopping”. For those who don’t know, a resource is a tag given for an individual with any specific skill-set; i.e. a person skilled in .Net becomes a .Net Resource. Body Shopping is when such “resources” are placed in the client location, to fill up vacancies in their IT organization.

I find both these references as extremely denigrating to the employees. I do understand that for an IT company to function, it does need to do the dirty work of its clients; hence hire people trained in certain skill sets and/or send them abroad to work in their client locations. But labeling them as resources or bodies, commoditizing human beings under the context of making profits for an organization, a non-living entity, is as belittling as it gets.

Any organization prides itself on its professional ethics. But dehumanizing their employees by tagging them as resources/bodies?  Will never sit right with me. What could the alternatives be? .Net Skilled professionals? I don’t know, it could be anything but resources. As for body shopping, just ban the abominable term. It sounds like something a cannibalistic clan would go about doing on a Saturday evening.