I don't believe in the idea of dating or
courting. Two reasons – 1) I don't think they are the best ways of finding
love, or rather Love isn't something that can be “found” 2) I don't think I am
skilled enough to find a date for myself.
Let me put out a disclaimer right at the
beginning. You may very well consider this blog as the author's attempt to
console himself for reason No. 2, by trying to justify reason No. 1. But go
ahead and give it a read anyway. You might find a couple of things that might
make a wee bit of sense to everyone.
Love often starts when the guy/girl fancies
a girl/guy and goes out of his/her way to impress her/him. And right here, It
starts going all wrong for me. I mean if one has to “Impress” someone else to
get their attention, Isn't it more of attraction than love?
Yes, your argument is absolutely valid if
you say attraction is the ignition to the menagerie that is Love. People start
to know each other better in the attraction stage, and from thereon it may or
may not grow into love. If it does, good for them. If it doesn't, there might
be a mini depression period. But eventually, they grow out of the attraction
stage and try courting someone else they find “attractive”. Fair enough, but
somehow It just doesn't ring the right bells in my brain.
There has been quite a lot written about
love, articles, poems, verses and what not. Pablo Neruda, Oscar Wilde, Emily
Dickson and likes have written everything there is possibly there to be written
about love. I'll never be even an iota of a percentage as erudite as them, but
here is my humble attempt to answer the “What is Love?” question.
Love doesn't start with a chase or
“attraction”. Love begins with friendship. Love is not when you get attracted
to someone of the opposite sex and feel the need to know more about them. Love
is when you are attracted to them because you know enough about them. Love is
not picking up your phone, texting/calling your better half 5 times a day. Love
is most certainly not getting “upset” or “angry” because they didn’t reply to
your text/call as they were busy. Love is trusting them enough, to understand
they are busy, and that they will have a multitude of stories to tell when they
do get back to you.
Love is not about going out of the way and
“proving” you to be the best for them. Love is about being the best for them. I
mean if you really have to prove something to a person, It can never be love.
Love is not when you feel the need to get intimate or physical at every other
instance. Love is when you get the orgasmic pleasure just by having long
conversations with them. Love is not when you wish to hang out in theatres, malls
and such "cool" places with your better half, on a date. Love is when a cup of
coffee, a table and a random, meandering conversation is all you need to make a
perfect date.
Having things in common isn’t a predecessor
to love. Finding things in common with someone, that you never thought
possible, might be one. Love is not about making them feel special. Love is
when their mere presence is "special". Love doesn’t strike with
innumerable phone calls/messages or the latest in thing, Whatsapp. Love is when
you don’t yet know, that you are in Love.
So, never chase or be chased. It might lead
you to finding a partner for life, but Love? Not quite so. Meet people. Make
friends. Friends like you for who you are, you needn’t “impress” them to grab
their attention. Just go with the flow. Who knows, 6 months/2 years/ 5 years or
maybe even 10 years down the line, you might find your Love. A friendship that
grows into love has to be the strongest and the most everlasting of bonds.
